That feeling is back. {Story of Man & Woman}

I snapped back to reality. It feels like i have been in a trance this whole time. Always feeling like your talking to someone that knows you. But really they cant even think about stepping in your shoes for a second. Because its not in them to want to break away from their ordinary train of though. For the fear that it might de rail their thoughts for ever. But some have this train derailed with out them doing a thing to the course that it was on. Its as if someone posted up a wall in between you and the bridge. You happen to smack it with full force, and while your slowly crashing into the wall that you built for yourself, you seem to realize that you have no way back on the path that you were on. You cant just pick up the pieces and set them on the track. The damage. The devastation. Its all in your mind. But still to great to comprehend. You will never be able to get back on that path.

You have been left with no path to fallow. So you begin to think of ways around the mental block you have set on your heart. But really your just left with yourself. When your lost you have so many thoughts rattling in your skull. Will you decide to avoid them or will you be the one to embrace them and start building your own path one brick at a time. You may have some trouble deciding which brick goes where but thats the greatest part. Learning how to create your own path to your heart. When you reach that point of which your heart becomes one with you, you will reach {her}.

The apple cant fall far from the tree. Will you sacrifice your beautiful world of which you built for yourself for something such as love? I know i will. I will eat the apple just for the taste of something sweet. It could come back to bite me. But its just the price i am willing to pay for love. Because love has been around since adam and eve. But what has led us to dream of walking hand in hand like them. What separates us from them. A simple period of time cant classify where they were. Maybe adam was the last man to walk the earth at a time like we are in right now. Until he decided to look up and say to himself, i will sacrifice a piece of me for the company of another heart that beats just like mine. But will she be willing to do the same for me? Its hard to say. Because she already has a part of you. She can always go on without you and find another piece of herself to fill in until she is the image of which she wishes to portray. While we are always giving away pieces of ourselves. She is just filling in the blanks that she believes are made by you. But really no one can fill those holes except for her. But that would require thought. WIll she sacrifice herself for him just as he did for her. Or will she continue to take bites of apples that fall from the tree, until she finds a sweet enough taste to help rid the taste that was left by him. Because the fact is He had to sacrifice so much of himself just for her. That he soon forgot who he was.... He now knows that he will always be left with those thoughts of what would have happened if he didnt give that piece of himself up. For the truth is. Eventually he would have found his counterbalance no matter what. Its just that our minds choose to sacrifice things that we dont even have.


I find love in the fact that she ponders just like i do. It may not be the exact same thoughts. But she feels the same way i do. Thats all that matters.

Another Day.

Its safe to say.

That things happen for a reason. I believe in seeing signs. I think its about time that i start changing things for good. I can only breath in so many toxic fumes. When i have others around me trying to toxicify themselfs i begin to fall into the same trap door i always fall into. But today i plan to seal that trap door for good because i cant stand having to watch my step in my own house.

Faces come and go, but they never disappear.

I wake up this morning knowing that its soon to be a day just like the other days. Has this really became my job? My friends come over periodically through the day to see what progress i have made on my paintings or sketches. We all hope to make an impact on each others day in some way shape of form. Either it be through a dvd they just picked up, to a vinyl we can all take a turn at on the tables, to a certain weed we haven't tried ever. Its one of those things where you sit and wonder why you are at home, when you realize your not at home. Your at a place where everyone considers home. Your at a level that people on mtv hope to get made to on a stupid reality show that just makes you experience the factor that we are human and we all have flaws that will some how one day come out and slap you in the face. My flaw is i am way too fucking down to earth. But i already got my slap in the face and it was from someone who knows exactly where i am coming from. Because she's my mom haha.

When you wake up in the morning to a call from your friend saying "Yo fool you think i can swing by and get stoney before work?" and then as soon as your about to go get yourself some grub you got another phone call " YO! What up? Down to blaze before i go pick up a fresh sack?". Its as if i am living that 70's show but 20th century status. haha Its so weird to think that ever since 9th grade this is the way its been, and in no way am i tired of it.

On Another thought. Watch this.

Just a thought? I believe not.

Things that you often think about can always be left unwritten. But then how would anyone have any proof that you honestly were the thinker that you are. I see people from day to day that choose to either use work or school as an excuse for them not pursuing the things they truly love or the goals they wish to accomplish. Then they decide to use their money for silly things like pills or weed which they get the money for from their job... of which they believe is something they are only going to do until they save up enough for their bullshit fund. But when i see this i can look at two different sides of the spectrum. Because in truth they would rather spend there money on substances which either narrow or broaden their search for a reason to be on this very beautiful planet we inhabit. I was reading an article on how we had a large boom in jobs opening up as soon as Reagan passed his silly little bill that we are finally seeing the affects of today. But thats only thanks to a major roll that our sir George W. Bush had by protecting his interests instead of the whole worlds. We already had enough shit coming our way it just so happened that we decided to put the fattest man at the end of the Mc. Donalds line and wait for him to get so hungry he just ordered the whole menu instead of a few combos. We are basically going to see a whole new era for our children. It might be bad and it might be really good. Either way. I will have a say in what i feel i have a say in, until then. I feel as if its time to let you know. Pills are not the answer. Sleep will come to those who choose to act on which they think. Not act as if they have no brain to think. Give me a chance to let you know i see more than 10 of my close friends on a regular basis through the day. Not one leaves my house sober....

The thirtieth day of March.

I was gazing down upon a valley full of scraps of what used to be a full picture. Its as if every single time you look across the vast waste of nothing we call our lives you begin to paint a very odd distorted image of what used to be a place that had vast opportunity and endless possibility. Now i can only see people rotting away in a giant crater of which we call our city. When i picture my town i picture prescription pill bottles, for sale signs, cigarettes, cars, cell phones, and trendy clothes. Its full of the future breed of mouse rats just trying to get that pretty little cheese on that mouse trap. Except its a home not a block of cheese. We still want to grab it even though we know that if we do it once we think we can do it again and again. We fall into the same exact trap. The same device and contraption we see around every corner. Go ahead walk on in take your shoes off get comfy. You'll be here a while.

  I can consider simi as once being beautiful just as you consider your once naturally tanned daughter and wife being beautiful at a time in there life. Simi had its days but now i really cant take it to seriously. I will always love this town for the fact that it made me who i am today. But its sad to see something so beautiful be destroyed by its own damn self. We all know that we shall all see our demise in time, but its sad to think that we can destroy such a beautiful thing with our own very mind. We cant dwell on these things. We can only hope one will show others how great the mind can be. 

On another note, I figured i would show you how i Curtis Lee Scoville am psychic. Lets all look at my crystal ball predictions from when i was 10 years old i believe. Look how ripped i am when i draw. Oh yeah!